


You're a Part of Me

by Hayfieldmc



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 19:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5552732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hayfieldmc/pseuds/Hayfieldmc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas, year 2020. Aaron and Robert seem to be happy together, but is everything as it seems?</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're a Part of Me

**Author's Note:**

> I know Christmas is already over and I'm a bit late with this, but I wanted to post it anyway.

**December 25th 2020**

The first thing Aaron noticed when he woke up was that it was ridiculously cold. There was a big haze in his head, he was tired, but that wasn’t unusual. Work had been really hectic the last few weeks and it was starting to get to him.

He blinked open his eyes and got blinded by the almost white light coming through the window. When he looked at his right, he realized the curtains were still open which explained the bright light. They must have forgotten to close them last night. There was a light pounding in his head, for a moment Aaron wondered why, but then he remembered that he’d drunk quite a lot yesterday night.

Aaron moved his attention to the sleeping figure next to him and immediately knew the reason for him being cold. Robert was curled up in almost the entire blanket, leaving barely any blanket for Aaron. He smiled down fondly at the sleeping figure of his husband. Who would have thought they would still be together after five years? Aaron could barely believe it.

He threw his legs over the edge of the bed and moved over to the window. The sight he saw took him by surprise. There was a light blanket of snow covering everything. He couldn’t remember the last time they had had a white Christmas, it must be more than five years ago.

Aaron smiled as he looked out of the window. It was Christmas morning, for a moment he’d forgotten, but now he remembered.

He turned around, intending to tell Robert about the snow, but when he looked at Robert’s still sleeping figure he couldn’t make himself wake him up. He walked over to Robert and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. Robert murmured something unintelligibly, but didn’t wake up.

Aaron pulled on some jogging pants, an old t-shirt and black socks before he moved downstairs.

He entered the kitchen and put on the coffeemaker like he always did first thing in the morning. He leaned back against the counter, rubbing a hand across his face, to wipe the sleep from his eyes. Their home wasn’t big so he could look straight into the living room and he was greeted by the small Christmas tree he’d put up yesterday evening. He couldn’t believe another year had passed. Last year’s Christmas didn’t seem long ago at all.

Once the coffee was done, Aaron decided to make him and Robert a nice breakfast. He boiled two eggs, made toast and poured them both a glass of orange juice. He cleaned the table, it was completely stashed with books, papers and an empty bottle of whiskey, and set the table. As a final touch he lit a candle and had to laugh because of his own silliness.

A look at the stairs told him that Robert wasn’t coming downstairs yet so he wandered into the living room. Their living room was small, but cosy. It had a fireplace because Robert had insisted that they got a house with one. Back when they were looking for a house, Robert had said that he’d always wanted one ever since he was a little boy and now that he was buying his own house he was finally going to get it.

The fireplace was covered with photos of him and Robert and a few photos with their families. One of his favourites was a picture of him and Robert from their first holiday together. They had asked some stranger to take a picture of them. Aaron had jumped on Robert’s back, his legs and arms wrapped around Robert’s body. They were on the beach, both dressed in swimming trunks. They both looked ridiculously happy, Robert’s hair sticking out at different directions, both with big grins upon their faces.

It was strange, Aaron had always thought that, that intense love you felt for someone would fade in time, that it would become less intense and more of a familiar kind of love. But with Robert and him that had never happened. Their love had stayed just as intense and addictive, it probably had only grown over the years.

He loved Robert endlessly much, and he knew it would never fade.

He picked up their wedding picture, the one with just him and Robert. They had married three years ago. It seemed such a long time ago, yet it felt like it had happened only yesterday.

Aaron started when two arms wrapped themselves around his waist.

“Morning,” Robert muttered close to his ear, his voice still rough with sleep. “What are you looking at?”

“Our wedding photo.” Aaron lifted the picture so Robert could see it from where he was resting with his chin on Aaron’s shoulder. “Look at us, it was such a beautiful day.” They were both dressed in the most expensive black suits Aaron had ever owned. Robert had an arm draped across Aaron’s shoulders and had pulled Aaron close against his body. Aaron was smiling happily into the camera, but it was always Robert who grabbed his attention. He wasn’t looking into the camera, instead he was looking down at Aaron, the most beautiful smile Aaron had ever seen lying across his face. He looked happy, he watched Aaron with so much love in his eyes, like he couldn’t believe he would get to spend the rest of his life with Aaron.

Robert placed a kiss against the side of his neck. “Yeah it was,” he replied softly, his voice filled with the same emotions Aaron could feel in his chest.

He leaned back against Robert’s chest, losing himself in his husband’s warmth. Robert’s arms tightened around him and Aaron let himself relax, closing his eyes. “Don’t you ever wish that you could go back, do it all over again?” he muttered softly, his voice barely there. “Maybe not all the bad stuff, but all the good. We’ve so many good memories Robert. So many beautiful days.”

“There are definitely moments I would like to experience again. And our wedding day is most definitely one of them, but I’m happy right where I am, here with you in my arms.”

Aaron didn’t respond, his chest tight with emotions and words he didn’t know how to say. It felt like he could stay like this forever, with Robert’s arms around his waist, but after a while Aaron reluctantly pulled himself out of Robert’s embrace. “Come on,” he said, grabbing Robert’s hand and pulling him along. “I made us breakfast.”

“You did?” Robert sounded surprised, it wasn’t often that Aaron made them breakfast. “What did I do to deserve this?”

Aaron shrugged awkwardly. “It’s Christmas, I figured we earned a nice breakfast.”

Robert hummed in response, sitting down on one side of the table. “It looks great Aaron,” he said with a big grin on his face.

Aaron rubbed his neck while smiling faintly. He still wasn’t used to people giving him compliments, Robert did it all the time, but it still made him feel out of place. He picked up the coffeepot and filled both of their mugs before he sat down opposite of Robert. The other man looked at him knowingly, a sly grin on his face. Sometimes it felt like Robert could read his thoughts. He always seemed to know what Aaron was thinking. It was quite scary.

Robert filled his plate while Aaron nurtured his coffee. His headache was slowly fading to the background as he drank the dark liquid.

“Aren’t you gonna take any?” Robert asked as he stuffed his mouth with toast, referring to the food in front of them.

“I’m not really hungry,” Aaron muttered absently, sipping his coffee.

“You should eat more, you’re becoming quite thin,” Robert went on, as if Aaron hadn’t spoken at all.

Aaron shrugged, Robert’s words pulling him from his thoughts. “I just haven’t had much of an appetite lately,” he said, looking up at the older man.

“Eat please.” Robert watched him with intense eyes, his mouth a strict line. It wasn’t a request.

Aaron rolled his eyes. “You’re always mother-henning me,” Aaron groaned.

Robert simply stared Aaron down and Aaron gave in with a sigh. Robert was right though, he was becoming thinner, he found it quite hard to eat lately. He ate, but only because he’d to, not because he wanted to. It was stupid, he’d never really had a problem eating before. All the working stress was really getting to him it seemed.

He picked up a slice of toast and put some marmalade on it. Robert didn’t stop looking at him until he’d eaten half of it.

They fell into a comfortable silence while they ate and drank their coffee and orange juice.

“We’ll celebrate Christmas at your mom’s this evening right?” Robert asked after a while.

Aaron groaned out loud. “Do we have to? Why can’t we just stay at home?”

Robert smiled brightly, Aaron could tell he’d to hold back a laugh. “If it were up to you, we would stay home all the time! You need to get out there every once in a while, Aaron.”

“I’m leaving home all the time,” Aaron sulked.

“Yeah because you’ve to work, but that’s the only reason.” Robert leaned forward on the table, his eyes sparkling with joy. One of his favourite hobbies was mocking Aaron. “When is the last time we went out? You’re twenty-seven dude, not eighty.”

“I’m not acting like I’m eighty,” Aaron snapped back, unable to keep back a small smile.

“Yes, you are!”

“Can you stop annoying me?” Aaron growled fondly.

“Only if you agree to go to Chas tonight,” Robert replied with an evil grin on his face. “You don’t want to let down your mother.”

Aaron groaned again. “I wish we could go back to the time you and her didn’t get along, my life was a lot easier back then.”

“Aww, Aaron, you love it that we get along,” Robert answered, obviously very pleased with himself.

“You’re wrong-”

He got interrupted by his cell phone going off. He pushed back his chair and grabbed his phone from the counter. A look at the display told him that it was his best friends and business partner. “Adam, what can I do for you?” he said as soon as he’d answered the call.

He listened as Adam chattered on for a while. Eventually he managed to get a few words in between. “I’m on my way okay? See you in fifteen.” He hung up before Adam had the chance to say anything else.

He put his phone on the table and glanced up. Robert was looking at him with a small smile on his face. “That was Adam,” Aaron explained. “There’s some sort of emergency at the Scrapyard and he needs me to come by immediately.”

Robert raised his eyebrows. “An emergency? On Christmas day?”

Aaron shrugged. “I don’t know man, he sounded urgent, and I better go check it out before he does something stupid.”

Robert grabbed his hand before he could walk away. “You work all the time Aaron, I barely see you anymore. You know you’re allowed to have some free time every now and then right?”

Aaron sighed, but leaned towards Robert, letting him rub comforting circles on the back of his hand. “I promise I’ll only be a few hours. I’ll be back before you know it. And once we get home from Chas’ you’ll have me all to yourself. “

Robert grinned at that. “Good.” He pulled Aaron closer until they were inches apart. Robert placed a light kiss on his lips. “You look tired, did you have trouble sleeping again?”

Aaron simply shrugged, not wanting to have this conversation again.

Robert looked at him with concern in his eyes. “Maybe you should stop drinking so much.”

“Robert,” Aaron warned.

“What?” Robert replied snappish. “It’s true.”

“Can we not do this right now?” Aaron snarled back. “Today is supposed to be a good day, let’s just keep it that way.”

“Fine,” Robert gave in, but it was definitely reluctant. “But don’t think I didn’t see the empty bottle of whiskey.”

“You can be so annoying sometimes,” Aaron groaned before he leaned in to give Robert a quick kiss. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

Aaron pulled his hand free and crossed the living room to enter the hallway. He put on his shoes and jacket and left the house. It was cold outside, although most of the snow was already melting. For a moment Aaron considered going back to retrieve his gloves, but figured that it wasn’t really worth the trouble so he walked on towards the Scrapyard, not bothering to take the car. He hadn’t walked more than 15 feet when he heard someone calling his name.

"Aaron, wait up!”

Aaron turned around at the sound of his mother’s voice. “Mom? What are you doing here?”

Chas caught up with him, breathing a bit irregular. “I was just on my way to see if you needed anything."

Aaron raised his eyebrows at his mother before he started walking again. “I’m on my way to the Scrapyard. You can walk with me if you want.”

Chas fell into step next to him. “The scrapyard? It’s Christmas day.”

Aaron gave his mother a quick glance. “Adam called, there’s some sort of emergency. I’m just going over there to check it out.”

They walked in silence for a while. He could sense that Chas wanted to talk to him about something, but he knew she would start speaking her mind when she was ready so he just waited for her to speak. He already knew that he probably wouldn’t like the topic because she was hesitating to even bring it up to him.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” she finally said.

Aaron rolled his eyes, he wasn’t surprised to hear that she wanted to talk about this. And she wasn’t completely wrong, he may have been avoiding her a bit, but he wasn’t going to admit it. “No, I haven’t.”

“Yes, you have,” Chas replied immediately.

“Mom-”

Chas stepped in front of him so Aaron was forced to pause and look at her. “Look I’m not angry at you alright. I just worry about you, is all.”

Aaron pushed his hands into his pockets, getting slightly annoyed by her probing. “I’m fine, mom.”

“I’m just saying everyone would understand it if you weren’t.” She looked at him like she was going to throw a tantrum, her eyes filled with irritation and her mouth a tight line. Aaron really wasn’t in the mood for any of it.

He rolled his eyes and passed her. He could hear her following him, her heels clicking on the pavement. “Mom can you cut it out, please. I told you, I’m fine,” he growled as soon as she caught up with him.

Chas threw her hands in the air as some form of surrender and sighed: “Alright.” Aaron was honestly surprised that she gave up this quickly. Her tone turned softer and she added: “I’ll see you tonight, yeah?”

Aaron nodded, for a moment not knowing what to say. Chas started to the turn around, but he grabbed her arm. “Happy Christmas, mom.”

“You too, love,” she said with a smile before she turned around and walked back the way she came.

Aaron resumed his way, the scrapyard was already in sight. He knew his mother meant well, but on some days her overprotectiveness really annoyed him. He got why, he’d done some questionable things in his past, but he wasn’t young and stupid anymore. He’d really grown up in the last few years, stayed on the right path. Robert had had a great hand in that, but also because he didn’t want to disappoint anyone and he certainly didn’t want to end up in jail ever again.

Once he reached the scrapyard Adam greeted him with a big grin and started to explain things. Apparently Victoria had surprised him with a surprise vacation this morning which meant that Adam wanted to get stuff done before he left tomorrow. They were going away for a month and Adam explained that he didn’t want to leave all the work to Aaron. Business had really grown over the last few years and they were always busy these days.

“It’s not like I’ve got anything better to do,” Aaron said sarcastically, once they had been working for a while.

Adam snickered. “Don’t be like that. You love that you get to have some alone time with me. After this you’ll have a month without my lovely presence, I don’t know how you’re gonna make it.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, but couldn’t supress a grin. “You’re out of your mind.”

“Maybe,” Adam agreed with a smile. “But you’re looking at a soon to be dad so I’ve every right to be a little crazy, Uncle Aaron.”

“Uncle Aaron, huh?” Aaron replied a little softer. “Sounds good.”

“It does.” Adam placed a hand on Aaron’s shoulder, a warm light in his eyes, but Aaron could also see a little concern. “But seriously man, everything alright with you?”

Aaron could feel his muscles grow tense underneath Adam’s touch. “People need to stop asking me that,” Aaron said a little harsher than he’d meant to.

Adam dropped his hands from Aaron’s shoulder, giving a fist bump to Aaron’s upper am. “Someone’s in a cheery mood.”

Aaron glared at Adam, but softened his tone a bit, trying to be light-hearted. “My best friend is making me work on Christmas day, I’ve every right to be a little grumpy.”

“Aww, just admit it, you’re gonna miss me,” Adam joked.

Aaron shook his head, having to laugh despite himself. “Shut up and get back to work. The faster we get this done, the sooner I get to go back home.”

“Aye captain,” Adam replied with a grin, holding his hand to his head in the same way a soldier would.

They worked for three more hours before they decided that they’d done enough and were going home. Adam drove him home because he found it ridiculous that Aaron had come to the scrapyard by foot. Aaron had developed this habit over the last few months, he found it quite calming to walk, but Adam kept on mocking him for it and insisting that he wasn’t going to let Aaron walk home alone.

Adam shouted something about seeing him tonight before he drove off, leaving Aaron on his own at the foot of his home.

Aaron closed the small distance to the front door and unlocked the door with his key. He got rid of his shoes and jacket before entering the living room.

Robert was sitting on the couch, his feet on the coffee table, reading a book. He looked up when Aaron entered, smiling brightly. “Finally back. What was the emergency?”

Aaron closed the distance between them and threw himself down on the couch next to Robert. He laid himself down on the couch, pushing his head into Robert’s lap. He closed his eyes and sighed in content. “Remind me why I ever thought having my own business was a good idea?”

Aaron could hear the soft rumble of Robert’s laughter. “Because you were hopelessly in love with me and grabbed every opportunity you could to spend more time with me.”

“Shut up!” Aaron groaned, his cheeks turning red. He stomped the side of Robert’s leg. “I was not hopelessly in love with you.”

“I remember it quite differently,” Robert said fondly, running a hand through Aaron’s hair. “You wanted me from the moment you saw me.”

Aaron pushed himself up from Robert’s lap to glare at his face. “You’ve turned things around, you were the one that wanted me. Remember how you pretended your car had broken down, just so you could get me alone?”

Robert smiled cheekily and smug. “It was worth it though, we had a good first kiss.”

“You’re an arrogant bastard,” Aaron groaned, lying back down. Robert started running his hand through Aaron’s hair again, massaging his scalp.

Aaron moaned in pleasure.

“Did you have a good time with Adam?” Robert asked. He’d clearly started reading again because he sounded distracted.

Aaron shrugged. “Yeah it was okay. I ran into my mom too. I just wish they stopped pestering me, I keep on telling them that I’m fine, but they won’t seem to believe me. “

“They just worry about you,” Robert murmured back, scrapping his nails softly through Aaron’s hair. Aaron’s eyelids started to feel heavy, the comfortable touch of Robert’s hand lulling him to sleep. “Can you really blame them? They mean well,” Robert continued.

“I know that,” Aaron muttered, closing his eyes. “But I just want people to shut up about it.” He pushed his nose against Robert’s leg, breathing in his smell. “As long as I got you, I’ll be fine,” he added.

“Aaron-”

“Shhhh,” Aaron murmured. “Let’s just be happy today, its Christmas after all.”

“Okay,” Robert whispered back, pulling Aaron close and draping his arm across Aaron’s body.

They spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch. Robert was reading his book while Aaron had his head resting on Robert’s lap, dozing while Robert ran his hand through his hair. Nothing could make him sleep better than Robert’s touch. His presence was soothing in a way nothing else was.

When the evening arrived, Robert woke him up and told him to get in the shower and get dressed. Aaron got off the couch groggily, missing Robert’s warmth the moment he stood up.

60 minutes later they stood outside the pub.

“Just get in, I’m sure it won’t be that bad,” Robert said from where he was standing behind Aaron’s shoulder.

“Uhm, have you somehow forgotten about last year’s Christmas?” Aaron growled, shivering because of the cold temperature and the sharp wind. He felt reluctant to go inside, he didn’t feel the need to spend the night with his family. He’d rather spend it alone with Robert, not being disturbed by anyone or anything.

Robert laughed out loud behind him. His laughter did strange things to Aaron’s heart, the sound warming him from the inside. “Of course I remember. I know she can be a little overbearing, but she means well.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Aaron groaned half-heartedly.

Robert gave Aaron’s shoulder a comforting squeeze. “We’ll just find an excuse to go home early.”

Aaron glanced at Robert over his shoulder. “I’ll hold you to that,” he said before opening the front door and entering.

They slipped into the pub silently. Everyone was already there: Chas and Diane behind the bar, Andy and Bernice, they’d been together for almost two years now, Victoria and Adam, engaged and Victoria by now five months pregnant, Cain and Moira sitting side by side. Belle, Sam, Zak and Lisa. They were all there, his whole family.

A beautiful decorated Christmas three stood at the left side of the pub and there were Christmas lights and decorations everywhere.

His eyes were filling up with tears as his chest clenched painfully at the sight of his family laughing and talking loudly. Everyone was so happy and why wouldn’t they be? It was Christmas and they were celebrating the day together with the whole family. For two days they could all believe that everything was right in the world.

Except Aaron knew that it wasn’t, that it would never feel right again.

Aaron’s heart started to beat loudly, drowning out every sound around him till all he could hear was the rushing of his blood. There were too many sounds, too much laughter and talking. Aaron felt the panic grow in his chest. “I can’t do this,” he whispered.

Robert’s calming presence came to stand beside him. “Yes you can, Aaron, it will be fine. You’ll be fine.”

Aaron’s eyes were wide as he glanced at Robert. “No, no, I can’t. I shouldn’t have come here,” he said, his voice getting higher and panicky.

Before he’d the chance to turn around his mother spotted him and called his name. “Aaron, you’re here!”

It was like someone had rang a loud bell because everyone fell silent. He could feel everyone staring at him, all heads and eyes turned towards him. All the joy had somehow left the room and it was like no one had a clue what to say. His mother walked around the bar towards Aaron. She paused in front of him and smiled. “I’m so glad you came.” She rubbed her hands together, looking a bit uncomfortable. “I wasn’t sure if you were gonna show up.”

“It’s great to have you here Aaron,” Cain said from the other side of the room, lifting his glass in some sort of toast.

Aaron eyes moved from Cain back to his mother. She looked at him expectantly like she was waiting for him to speak.

Aaron clenched his hands together, his throat dry. Every fibre of his being screamed at him to go, that it had been a mistake to come here. He couldn’t do it. “I’m sorry I’ve to go,” he muttered to his mother before he turned around and left the pub.

He could hear his mother calling after him: “Aaron wait.” But he didn’t listen, instead he started running as soon as he was outside, his feet dragging him away from the pub as fast as they could carry him. He didn’t know where he was going, he just knew that he needed to keep on running. Away from them, away from everything.

He’d no direction in mind, but he wasn’t surprised when he found himself at the graveyard a little while later.

His feet took him down the familiar path without him having to think about anything. He’d been here so often over the last few months that he could probably find his way in his sleep.

Once he’d reached his destination he fell down on his knees, not caring about the wetness of the ground or that he would get his jeans dirty. His chest was heaving and tears were running down his cheeks. He didn’t have to read the familiar words on the gravestone to know what they were saying:

_In memory of Robert Sugden_

_1986-2020_

_Loving husband, brother and son_

_May he rest in peace_

The accident had happened almost five months ago. The day hadn’t started out special, Robert had woken up in a hurry, needing to leave for a meeting. He’d kissed Aaron goodbye, like he always did, wishing him a good day. The weather had been awful the whole day, the sky had seemed to be coming down on earth.

The call came in the early evening. Aaron had just made dinner, waiting for Robert to come back home, when the phone had rang. He couldn’t remember much of the call. But the message had been clear: accident, car, Mr Sugden didn’t make it.

“Chas is coming.”

Aaron shook the thoughts out of his mind and turned his head towards the sound of the familiar voice. Robert was standing a few feet away from him, leaning against a gravestone. He was wearing the same clothes he’d worn on the day of the accident, except for the jacket, Robert hadn’t been wearing a jacket the day he died. It was stupid that the unimportant details stayed with you while the things you wanted to remember faded to the background.

He’d first seen Robert again a few days after his death. It had just been a flicker, he was there and then he wasn’t. Aaron had thought he’d just imagined it, putting it off to him being tired and upset. But in the next few days those appearances kept on happening until one morning Aaron had woken up to find Robert sitting on his side of their bed, smiling at him.

Aaron had screamed and ran out of the house, not daring to come back the whole day. When he’d finally dared to go back in the evening, he’d convinced himself that it was nothing, that he wasn’t going crazy or whatever, but when he came back home, Robert had been sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book.

“You can’t be here,” Aaron had whispered, the bag he’d been holding dropping out of his hands. “You’re dead.”

Robert had slowly put down his book and glanced up at him. “I know, but yet I’m here.”

“How?” Aaron had muttered, not realizing he was shaking uncontrollably until he collapsed onto his knees on the floor. “I’ve seen your dead body. This isn’t real, you can’t be real.” Tears had been running down his cheeks.

Robert had pushed back his chair and had crossed the distance between them, pausing not far away from him. “I assure you Aaron that this is real, I’m here.”

Aaron had buried his head in his hands, praying for Robert to go away, but when he’d pulled his hands back from his face, Robert had still been there. “I’m going crazy,” Aaron had muttered, mostly to himself. He’d closed his eyes, a sob leaving his throat.

He had heard a thud before two hands cradled his face, wiping the tears from his cheeks. “You’re not going crazy.”

Aaron hadn’t wanted to believe it, couldn’t. If he would start to believe Robert was really here again, he would never be able to let him go. He couldn’t lose him once again. He’d already started losing himself, it felt like he’d started to fade away, like he wasn’t really there anymore. He’d felt ripped of any feeling or emotion since the day he had gotten the news of Robert’s death. He’d felt empty, like he was just a shell with nothing inside of him.

But Robert’s touch had felt so real, as comforting as it had always been. And when Aaron had raised his head, Robert had still been there, as real and beautiful as ever.

Aaron had collapsed against Robert’s body, wrapping his arms around Robert’s waist in what must’ve been a dead grip. “I’ve missed you so much.” He’d pushed his face against Robert’s neck, breathing in his familiar smell. “You can’t leave me ever again,” he’d choked out between cries, his body racking with sobs.

“Shhh,” Robert had murmured. “Everything’s gonna be okay now, I’m here Aaron and I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

And Robert had kept his promise, hadn’t left Aaron since.

At first Aaron kept waiting for Robert to just disappear, to never come back again, but he never did. There were times when he was gone for days, but Robert always came back to Aaron. From the day Aaron had accepted that what he was seeing was real, he also promised to himself that he would never mention it to anyone, knowing they would just think him crazy and might even go as far as lock him up in a mental institution. He didn’t know if Robert was a hallucination or if he was an actual ghost. But he just accepted it for what it was. He was seeing his dead husband which probably meant he was crazy, but he didn’t care, all he cared about was that he’d Robert back, even if it wasn’t real.

He heard footsteps on the gravel getting closer and closer until they paused somewhere right behind him. Chas was silent for a long time, looking at Robert’s gravestone or at Aaron, he supposed it didn’t really matter. After a while he almost forgot she was there, lost in his thoughts and reliving memories he would give anything to experience again. Though he didn’t pull his eyes away from the grave, he was aware of Robert’s presence five feet away. It was comforting to know that he was here, even if Aaron logically knew that there was no reasonable explanation for his presence.

“I know you miss him,” Chas said softly, her voice breaking the endless silence.

Aaron glanced up at Robert and smiled at him sadly. Robert answered his smile with a small curling of his lips, by now he was sitting on top of one of the grave stones. It was strange to know that his mother couldn’t see him while he was the clearest thing in Aaron’s life. “You’ve no idea,” Aaron whispered, looking back down at the grave.

Chas stepped forward until she stood at his left and kneeled down beside him. She reached out and grabbed his left hand. “God you’re freezing up,” she muttered, her cold breath leaving small puffs of steam while she rubbed his cold hand between her own.

Aaron shrugged. He could barely feel the cold, there weren’t many things that bothered him these days. He got too lost in his own head to care much about anything. He wasn’t sure if he would have been able to get through the past few months if it hadn’t been for Robert’s presence.

For a few minutes they sat there, Aaron’s knees getting wet by the layer of snow on the ground. “You should go back, they’re probably waiting for you,” he said, referring to his family at the pub. A part of him hated that he was ruining the good and high spirited mood, but he mostly didn’t have the capability to care.

“I don’t want you to be alone on Christmas,” his mother answered honestly.

Aaron glanced at his mother for a few seconds before he moved his head to the right, catching Robert’s gaze. Robert’s eyes were full of love and promise.

Nothing was as it should be, how it should have been, but he already knew that Robert was all that he needed. How he felt about Robert wasn’t healthy, but nothing had ever felt more right. Maybe it didn’t matter that he was the only one that could see him and maybe he wasn’t real, but Aaron didn’t care. He loved Robert and wanted to spend his life with him. Robert felt more real than anything else in his life. He wasn’t willing to give that up.

He pulled his eyes away from Robert and glanced back at his mother. “I’m not mom, I’m not alone. I know you don’t understand, but believe me when I say that I’m not alone.” Aaron breathed in deeply as he looked back at Robert for a second or two. His heart started to beat harder against his chest. He felt warm from the inside, finally realizing that he was speaking the truth, he truly wasn’t alone, Robert was right there, and that was all he needed. “I’m okay,” he said as he turned back to look at his mother. “And I think I’m ready to move on.”

He didn’t know what it was that made her listen to him. Maybe it was the conviction in his voice or maybe it was something in his eyes, but she nodded with a small sigh. “Okay,” she said.

Aaron smiled at her before he finally pushed himself of the ground. He offered her his hand and he pulled his mother upright. Aaron wiped the snow from his dark jeans, that by now had grown uncomfortably wet before he looked back up at his mother. “Go back to the pub mom, I’ll be fine. You really don’t have to worry about me.”

“It doesn’t matter how often you say that to me,” Chas said. “I’m your mother I’ll always worry about you.”

Her words made Aaron grin as he shook his head. “I know.” He grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her into a tight hug. “I love you, mom. Now go and enjoy Christmas with the rest of our family.”

“What about you?” Chas asked still with a little concern when she pulled back to look at her son, holding him by his upper arms.

“I’ll be there again next year,” Aaron promised. He quickly glanced in Robert’s direction, taking in his beautiful features. “There’s somewhere I would rather be right now.”

Chas watched him with suspicious eyes for a few long seconds before she gave in with a sigh and kissed him on the cheek. “Fine, as long as you’ll come by the pub tomorrow. You’re a part of our family too.”

Aaron nodded, pushing his hands into his pockets. “I’ll be there. Now go, they’ll be waiting.”

Chas smiled at him before she turned around and walked away. He watched as she disappeared into the dark. It was not long before he could sense Robert’s presence coming closer. Robert came to stand beside him.

“You know I really don’t get why you’re still here,” Aaron said, glancing sideways at his late husband.

Aaron felt a touch at his wrist and when Aaron glanced down, he watched as Robert pulled Aaron’s hand out of his pocket and intertwined his fingers with Aaron’s right hand. “Because you’re not ready to let me go.”

Aaron snorted and closed his eyes, squeezing Robert’s hand tightly. “Of course I’m not ready. You weren’t supposed to die.” He could feel the tears burn behind his closed eyelids, but he repressed them, not wanting to cry again. “You weren’t supposed to leave me. We were gonna spent the rest of our lives together.”

Robert lifted their intertwined hands and kissed the back of Aaron’s hand. At the touch Aaron opened his eyes so he could look at the taller man. “I know, I’m sorry,” Robert whispered, his lips caressing Aaron’s skin as he spoke.

Aaron sighed and lifted his head to look at the sky when he felt the wetness on his hair and face. It was snowing, big flakes coming down on the world, turning everything even whiter. “I just can’t take it, I can’t take the way they look at me,” Aaron muttered. “They look at me like I’m some broken toy, a fragile tea cup that could shatter any moment.”

“They’re just worried about you,” Robert replied, stepping sideways so he was fully standing in front of Aaron now. He reached out and brushed a snow flake out of Aaron’s hair.

“I know, but they’ve moved on. How could they have moved on from you, when I can’t?” Aaron asked, his voice harsh and desperate. “I feel like I’ve to go through this all alone.”

“You’re not alone Aaron, you’ve got me.”

Aaron dropped his head against Robert’s chest, his words muffled as he spoke: “But you're not real.”

Robert placed his hand beneath Aaron’s chin, lifting his head so Aaron was forced to look him in the eye. “I'm as real as you want me to be Aaron. And I'll stay with you until you're ready to let me go.”

“What if I'll never be able to let you go?” Aaron asked, an edge of desperation in his voice, his eyes wide as they moved over Robert’s face.

“Then I'll stay with you forever,” Robert whispered, leaning his forehead against Aaron’s. They were standing unbelievably close together, breathing each other’s air.

Aaron grabbed Robert’s jacket with his hands, holding on tight. “You promise?” he muttered, his voice barely there.

“I promise,” Robert answered earnestly.

Aaron ran his hands through Robert’s silky locks, his hair was damp and covered in snow flocks. He pulled Robert’s head close, mushing their cold lips together in a wet and tender kiss.

“I love you forever, Robert Sugden,” Aaron whispered, keeping his eyes closed.

He could feel Robert’s smile against his lips. “And I love you just as much, Aaron Livesy.”

**The End**


End file.
